Sistie Ugly

Many of you know that my big sister passed away recently. We aren't sure why, still don't have all the toxicology results back yet. When my Grandma Sam passed away last year, I wrote her a letter on my blog. It helped me feel a bit better, because I'm just so sure that in heaven everyone is blog stalking :). So I think I'll try this for myself, I still have so much to tell her.

Dear Shannan, (only that doesn't sound like what I'd really say back in the olden days it would be hey "sistie ugly", or "buttface"- you know, sisterly love.)
Shannan as hard as we fought, we laughed even harder. Especially during church, until mom would reach over and pinch us under our arms in that tender spot. We never did like the same things, well maybe a few of the same guys,definetely the same music. We did love to swim. We also loved those "tight buns in 501's." We loved going to get Italial shaved ice, or scraping up change to buy french fries at McDonalds. What about the time we made Grandpa O so mad when we went to San Antonio, and we wanting nothing to do with going to see the Alamo? haha,that is still funny. We were kind of brats, well sort of.
I know I haven't seen you since Austin and Weston's baptism, but I was glad you came. I have a picture of us together. I did try to call many times. Why wouldn't you answer? At first I thought it was just me, that you hated me. I realize you were in a lonely place that no one could reach you. Your home teacher talked to me at your funeral. He said sometimes he came to see you, and you wouldn't answer your door, or phone. But he loved it when you did, and he said he had some great visits with you. Several people tried to call you, Ryan and Russ both contacted me reguraly to see if I had heard from you. Many people cared about you. I worried about you. I still worry. It's 2:00 am, and I'm thinking about what you want me to feel. It's just final for now, and all I haved dwelled on is memories. Shannan I wanted you a part of our lives.
Oh yeah, funny random story, remember taking that picture of my butt in my blue underwear? Yeah, uhmm, Russ thought it was his hahah! Bonus on the picture, it's made its round all though the funeral lunch, it was in your scrap book!
Remember cruising in the Datsun, yeah, sorry I wrecked that for you. Rememeber how you had to tie the hood down to drive to school? Good times.
Remember that mouse on our front porch, and you picked up a brick and killed it? Wow.Remember your fancy scwhinn bike, and how you charged me a dollar every time I used it? You must have had a buttload of cash because I used it everday that summer!
I just want you to know that no matter what people tell me, like you are at peace, or in a better place, I want to scream "how do they know?" I know how strong you are, I think you fought this one. I wanted my sister back. I miss you Shannan, I've missed you for years. I hurt for you, I hurt that at times you were so lonely. Even if you held me down, spit in my face, I love you, (it's forgiven too, because I would scratch the crap out of you, I know you've showed me scars. :) )I hope you're catching up with some relatives, (be nice to Leon, no kicking!),I miss you. Remember the stake dances, how they closed them, with the song "Sha na na na, Sha na na na, Hey Hey Hey, Goodbye." Lets end this that way. Make sure your dancing, and shaking that bootie! In front of a mirror would be the best too.
I love ya Sistie Ugly, Sincerely, the other Sistie Ugly.